We, human beings have such ambivalence toward God and surrender, have you noticed that? We have an excellent example of the kind of ambivalence we are talking about in scripture.

The people of Israel are in the desert after just leaving slavery in Egypt. They still have a slave mindset. They have been told for four hundred years what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. They have no autonomy. They have given in to the demands of others because it was expected, no, demanded of them, and if they didn’t obey they would be beaten or killed.

Now they stand in the dessert, free people who have seen God do miraculous things to deliver them from their captivity. They love what God has done for them, but at the same time, He terrifies them!

He is strong and powerful, they know that, but they also know what it has been like to be under the control of strong, powerful people. They have to be wondering, “Is this God who delivered us any different from our previous task-masters?” What sets Him apart?

Now, their human deliverer, Moses, stands before them and tells them they have new commands to follow – ten of them.

“Great”, they think, “haven’t we already been told what to do, how to do it and when to do it? Is Yahweh our new task-master?”

You have to admit; it would’ve been easy for Israel to feel that way and to wonder, “Where is our freedom? Where is our autonomy?” On one hand they love God for what He has done for them but on the other hand they are terrified of Him. And why wouldn’t they be?

Exodus 19:16-19 paints a pretty terrifying picture of this powerful God.

“On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. ¹⁷ Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. ¹⁸ Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the Lord descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, and the whole mountain trembled violently. ¹⁹ As the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder, Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him.”

That which is usually in the intangible realm had just become very tangible! I can just picture the people standing there, knees knocking, mouths hanging open, not being able to take their eyes off that mountain and all that was going on there!

And here is where we see this spiritual ambivalence; they want to know God and hear from Him but they are more terrified of Him than they had been of their “task-masters” in Egypt.

It reminds me of the description of Aslan in the Chronicles of Narnia when Mrs. Beaver proclaims; “He’s not a tame Lion, you know!” The observable God is terrifying! The people say to Moses, “You speak to us, and we will listen; but do not let God speak to us, or we will die.” (Ex. 20:19)

We understand that conflict don’t we? We want to draw near to God but He terrifies us at the same time. We want to hear what He has to say to us but we are not sure we will like what is required of us. We know we should love Him deeply and single-mindedly but at the same time we love other things that He might want us to get rid of.

We often come to the same conclusion the children of Israel did, “Have God talk to someone else and we will listen to them. We’re good with second hand knowledge, we’re comfortable with the second hand word of God thank you very much!”

Is that really what we want though – second hand knowledge, second hand insights, a second hand faith and relationship?

That is not what our hearts, our souls tell us. Our soul cries out for the Living God, our souls cry out for the intangible to become tangible!

God has put it in you to want a personal, intimate closeness with Him. He is the one putting in you the desire to draw closer to Him because it is His will for you. It is.He wants your knowledge of Him to be first hand and ambivalence free!